You Change Your Life By Changing Your Heart

So its been awhile since I have blogged! I have been pretty busy with work, clubbing, hanging out with friends and editing photos! haha. Editing photography is like my new favorite hobby! Besides blogging of course! ;) Its kind of weird how I find certain things I enjoy doing and do them excessively and then eventually I become bored and take up something new but then eventually I ALWAYS come back to it. :P Right now it is pouring down rain outside, and it has pretty much been that way all day! It started around 5 AM when I was just starting to get tired enough to go to bed and has been going on and off ever since. Quite frankly I am sick of it because I'm freezing! >.<

I was glad to get out of work at a decent time tonight and quite impressed since it was only my friend's third or fourth day! She is starting to catch on better to things and hopefully it will continue. I hauled ass today to try and get us out of there at a good time, but she also did a better job today then she has been. I am really hoping that we all get out earlier rather than later this Wednesday! It is Necto's Goth/Gay night and its free cover and I can't wait to go and dance and drink and spend time with friends! :D I am just dreading work that day because since we are closed on Thanksgiving we have to prep for Black Friday a day early and double up on meats and sauces and everything so hopefully we won't be super busy that night because if we are its going to make closing a total bitch cause then we will get out late!

I really wish that it would warm up in here! I am wearing fleece pj pants and slipper socks and am STILL freezing my ass off. Maybe I should put a sweatshirt on so I'm not just sitting here in a t-shirt. Either way its too f'n cold! So I guess besides being pretty busy with work and just trying to enjoy my freetime when I get home from a 9 hour shift, I guess the other reason I haven't been blogging is I just haven't felt that I've had much to say. There aren't really too many drastic changes or exciting events happening right now. However tonight Erin and I were talking about how on Thanksgiving it will pretty much be the one year anniversary of when we started to really talk and get to know each other and become best friends! :) It still trips me out to think about it! I can't believe how much my life has changed in just a year's time! A total 360 for sure!

A year ago around this time my world was literally falling apart around me and if it weren't for Erin I really don't know where I would be right now, or if I would even be here at all right now to be honest. I was a mess this time last year! I was thinking about it tonight! About how a year ago around this time I was sitting in the back yard of the apartment complex smoking my cigarettes on the bench Megan and I used to smoke at and just remember looking up at the sky feeling so alone and angry and so sad and even mad at myself and asking myself "HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE?" It was just a year ago that I was sitting in my apartment disturbed by the complete silence! Just sitting there thinking about all of the things going wrong in my life and contemplating if it were even worth it anymore to try and carry on.

I remember sitting and talking with my friend Ashley on the phone for hours crying and venting about everything that was happening and all of the back and forth messages that my ex and I had been sending each other. I remember hurting so immensely and sometimes just wishing that things could be back to the way they were before Megan left the apartment! Even if they WERE broken and a mess! At least then I wouldn't be there alone in a silent home trying to piece my life back together.

I remember sitting there one night on the internet and having an IM pop up from Erin asking me how I was! And I remember that instantly my mood, my situation, my life began to change! For the better! I remember sitting there on Thanksgiving talking to her and promising to bring her back an m&m cookie from shopping. Ah, the M&m cookies from the mall, Thats what began it all! :)

It started out with a person showing compassion, by caring enough to ask if I was okay! Then with a cookie, and a little bit of flirtatious conversation, then it evolved into hanging out and sharing a moment together, Who knew that a year later we would be where we are now? BEST FRIENDS! I feel like I have blogged about it a million and one times and sometimes with the same words, but I guess I just won't ever be able to fully express how amazed I get when I stop for a second to think about it! Or how thankful I am for having this wonderful woman, this amazing friend walk into my life! Her and everything and everyone that came with it! I am FOREVER THANKFUL!

So to Erin, if you are reading this... I LOVE YOU! Thank you for picking up my pieces when I was falling apart and for helping me place them back together and for helping me turn my life around a little bit at a time! You are my best friend in the entire world and I would truly be lost without you! You were, still are and always will be the glue that holds me together when I start to fall apart! I can never thank you enough for all that you have done and all that you continue to do to be here for me! You are one of the most amazing people I have ever had walk into my life and I am thankful that you CARED enough to walk into my life when the rest of the world was walking out! Thank you for being YOU! And for being MY BEST FRIEND! I LOVE YOU! <3

“Everything in life is connected somehow. You may have to dig deep to find it but its there. Everything is the same even though its different. Somehow everything connects back with your life. The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same. Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left. Picture back to a year ago and the situation you were in. Look at how things are different yet somehow everything it still in someway cognate. Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure. Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin. Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.”

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”