So yes I just got done blogging about an hour ago, and yes here I am again writing yet another blog! It is official, I am either A. addicted to blogging or B. Have no life once I clock out from work and come home. Perhaps its a bit of both. :P It is 1:30 in the morning... 1:26 to be exact and I am sitting here bored out of my mind, sitting here with Ariel on my lap and not wanting to go to sleep yet. I really have nothing interesting to blog about at this particular moment, but give me a few more minutes and I'm sure once the creative juices start flowing, a ton of things I didn't even know I was feeling or were on my mind to begin with will start pouring out! Thats the beauty of blogging! ;)
Wow, as I sit here reading that last paragraph back I realize just how bi-polar I really AM! My last blog was like I was a little kid at Disney World and just found out Mickey Mouse died and now here I am blogging with poor humor and wise cracks. Oh, mental illness how I love you sometimes! >.< No, for real though, I am still feeling very lonely but being that it is 1:29 in the morning, I guess the thought of it is beginning to sound more acceptable because not many people are out being social at this time of night! haha. Or morning, whatever you consider it to be! :P Technically I guess it would be morning! But to me, I haven't slept yet soooo it does not seem right calling it morning for some reason. If it were up to me my schedule would resemble that of a vampire! :P haha! Sleep all day and stay awake all night! I don't know why, but I have been a night owl my entire life! Ever since I was little, and my dad would stay up late because of his work schedule and I would sneak out of bed and watch movies or boxing with him. haha.
Night time is so different than daytime! From 12 AM to 5 AM the atmosphere is just so peaceful and calm! I sit here reflecting on my life and it seems kind of crazy that I actually miss certain moments that became almost ritualistic in the past. Like when Megan and I had our apartment, we would walk downstairs really late at night/really early in the morning and just lay in the grass and look up at the stars and smoke cigarettes. Or we would go out back and sit on the bench and smoke and talk and sometimes we would stay out there for a good amount of time. Now, the increasing chances of getting cancer, probably not so cool. But I miss sharing something like that with somebody! I miss sitting out in the darkness with complete silence and just gazing up at the stars! I miss the peacefulness surrounding me, and calming me. I miss being able to reflect on life and just smile at the company of someone else.
Its not that I necessarily just miss her, although I am not denying the fact that I don't miss her sometimes, because I still do from time to time... but I just miss there being somebody there for me in GENERAL! Someone to share my thoughts with! Someone to share my life plans and goals with! Someone to cook for! Someone to wake up next to! Someone to surprise with cute little gifts or take silly photographs with! Someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie, someone to play with my hair and talk with me until I fall asleep. Someone to take care of me when I am sick. Someone to tell me that I look good when in reality I just woke up and look a hot f'n mess!
Annnd to make matters EVEN better my damn cat just ate string off my mattress and had it wrapped around her tooth! >.< I really hope there isn't any in her system! I don't have money for a vet visit or emergency surgery! Fuck! I love her dearly, but I seriously question her sanity about 70% of the time! I guess its time to embrace the fleas that are still invading the house and stop being afraid! I have to put a sheet on my mattress to keep her from eating more string! GRR! Sometimes I miss having a woman in my life, Then my cat puts things into perspective for me! One crazy pussy is enough!
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I totally get that 'you dont miss her', but you miss having what she would give you, to fill the space.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough, but you'll get through it :) The situation in itself has made you strong and the only option you've had for the past year is to keep your head held high!!
Ps---this is Ashley, I'm just going to comment your stuff through my blog, it's already signed into blogspot for some reason lol :P
P.S. I added a new feature to my blogs! If you didn't notice, there are now reactions above ^ "Funny, interesting and love it" you can rate my blogs! Also I'm always up for comments! :) I love getting input!
ReplyDeleteHaha! I didn't see your comment before I posted the above comment Ashley! But thanks for the comment! I knew it was you from the name :P Same as your blog! ;P I pay attention to these things! Thanks for the comment, it means a lot! :)
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