Songs

Wow, its been forever since I've written a blog. How pathetic. So much has happened and there is so much I could write about! So much good, bad, epic, shocking... Where would I even start? I guess for now I'll just post the latest songs/poetry I've written in the past few months/weeks. Here goes nothing....

Excuses Paper Thin

Keep feeding me
Excuses Excuses
So they play on in my head
You're so aloof, girl you're up and go
Keep me waiting and in the dark
Expectations left unmet.

We keep going in circles
Circles
We're on this merry-go-round
But what goes up eventually must
Come
D o w n

And I know all your friends
Probably say I'm crazy
But I'm past the point of caring
(Can't let it phase me)
And I know you're gonna try your best to blame me
(Blame me)
But I caught on to your plan
Yeah I know how to play this game.

(Chorus)
Your
Excuses Excuses
Are so paper thin
You could tear them up and throw them out
Faster than you can spit
And your reasons, you can save them
F o r
The next victim who falls for your lies
You had the nerve to say I was doubting you
Well no shit! Guess I had reason to
The whole time.

Hey Sly Fox, we're stuck on repeat
Neither of us are backing down
And you made yourself such a turn off
The way you stomped my heart to the ground
You showed no
M e r c y
Will you spare no one with the truth?
Is there no one worthy of your honesty?
Just pile on another excuse
Yeah give me another fucking excuse.


And I know all your friends
Probably say I'm crazy
But I'm past the point of caring
(Can't let it phase me)
And I know you're gonna try your best to blame me
(Blame me)
But I caught on to your plan
Yeah I know how to play this game.

(Chorus)
Your
Excuses Excuses
Are so paper thin
You could tear them up and throw them out
Faster than you can spit
And your reasons, you can save them
F o r
The next victim who falls for your lies
You had the nerve to say I was doubting you
Well no shit! Guess I had reason to
The whole time.

You say you can't stand my anxiety
Or the way its my excuse for everything
Well thats alright my beautiful disaster
Go on and torture me
Angel from my nightmare, drowning me
At least I stick to something
You can't commit to a thing
You're hanging by a string
Lets count these
Lets count these
Excuses
Excuses
You always let me
D o w n
But I'm done with it, I'm moving on, and this time for
G o o d

And I know you tell all your friends I'm crazy
But you have no room to judge me
And I know that your hobby is blaming
But all I ask is bitch look in the mirror before you
Start
Pointing your dirty fingers
At
M e

(Chorus)
Your
Excuses Excuses
Are so paper thin
You could tear them up and throw them out
Faster than you can spit
And your reasons, you can save them for
The next victim who falls for your lies
You had the nerve to say I was doubting you
Well no shit! Guess I had reason to
The whole time.


Counter Attack


The magnifying glass was in focus ready to pass the blame
To hone in on imperfections, to resist and put down change
But all along I was too blind to see that the roots lay much deeper
I looked in this mirror, A reflection of my past
S t a r i n g
back at me.

A counterattack that escalates
Harsh words that aggravate
Theres only so much someone can take
We're passing the point of return
Conflict arising, theres a fire igniting
Anxiety so trying, We're about to lose it all.
Counterattack, Counterattack
Counterattack, Counterattack

Searching within myself, the answers to this
M y s t e r y
Trying to piece this puzzle back together
These pieces used to fit so
P e r f e c t l y

A counterattack that escalates
Harsh words that aggravate
Theres only so much someone can take
We're passing the point of return
Conflict arising, theres a fire igniting
Anxiety so trying, We're about to lose it all.
Counterattack, Counterattack
Counterattack, Counterattack

A counterattack that escalates
Harsh words that aggravate
Theres only so much someone can take
We're passing the point of return
Conflict arising, theres a fire igniting
Anxiety so trying, We're about to lose it all.
Counterattack, Counterattack
Counterattack, Counterattack

Our Terms

Can we try this again
This time on our terms, our terms
Learn from the past
Bridges burn, burn
B u r n.

Shroud of Mystery

What is it about you, such a mental mind fuck.
What is it about you, thats got me so stuck.
A shroud of mystery, and that grin, it sucked me in.
Your kiss could be poisin and I'd ask "Kiss me again."

What is it about you, Something I can't shake.
What is it about you, it keeps me awake.
From the day I met you, I was stuck like glue.
And even when I'm pissed I still find you charming
Does that make me crazy? Its kind of alarming.
I was blinded when it came to doing wrong
But now I've stepped outside myself,
You made sense all along.

So tell me what to do to find my way back to you
Tell me what to say to make everything okay
Give me just one chance, I know I can't
Take it back
But baby if you let me I'll more than
Make up for the
P a s t.


Heaven's So Far Away

Its so hard not to reach out when heaven seems so close,
Yet so far away
The charm and dry sarcastic witt
That had me
At hello.
An angel from my nightmare, wearing horns instead of a
H a l o
That soft devilish laugh, that sly epic grin.
The eyes I still love and find myself getting
L o s t in.

A chemistry so deep it runs through my veins
An image so powerful it plays in my mind for days
The touch of your hand, the scent of your skin
How I feel inside of you, As your body breaks with every
S w e l l.

Shattered trust, and shattered lives
Broken mirrors and broken pride.
But I'm not backing down this time.
I'm gonna own up to what I helped
D e s t r o y
And rebuild brick by brick
Until I have you by my
S i d e.

Infection

Its like a disease
A disease
The way you infected
Me
To think I put my trust in
You
Who the fuck was I
Kidding

You should come packed with a
Warning
The kiss of death and dynamite you
Carry
You fuck everything to
Oblivion
And throw it all
Away.

And its like a race
Cause I chase
We're like hamsters
In a fucking
Cage.
Spinning
Spinning
Round and round
But what is lost cannot be found.

This was never
Meant to be
Tell me I never
Meant a thing.
Tell me its my
Fault
That I need to
Change
But it takes two, it takes two.
It takes two, and I'm on to
You.

Can't wrap my mind around all the shit you
Do
Try as I might I'll never understand
You
You could have had it all, but you let me take the fall
I've given you the benefit of the doubt too many times
And now its time to sink
Or swim.

Its like a disease
A disease
The way you infected
Me
To think I put my trust in
You
Who the fuck was I
Kidding

You should come packed with a
Warning
The kiss of death and dynamite you
Carry
You fuck everything to
Oblivion
And throw it all
Away.

And its like a race
Cause I chase
We're like hamsters
In a fucking
Cage.
Spinning
Spinning
Round and round
But what is lost cannot be found.

This was never
Meant to be
Tell me I never
Meant a thing.
Tell me its my
Fault
That I need to
Change
But it takes two, it takes two.
It takes two, and I'm on to
You.

Can't wrap my mind around all the shit you
Do
Try as I might I'll never understand
You
You could have had it all, but you let me take the fall
I've given you the benefit of the doubt too many times
And now its time to sink
Or swim.

Shadow Figure

This shadow figure has been haunting me
Stealing parts of my soul it seems
Its been years
Same old story

Running in circles, making the same damn mistakes
I was angry, and I was hurting
Repressing, how depressing, I shut down.
I was transferring, they say
Love is blind.
That'll take over your mind.
And Eve had it right, same war different fight.
Why do I build these walls and invade?
Why do I always push people away?
I smother them with attention
And its always too much.
I can't stop the fight until my only option is
G i v i n g
U p.

Distant

How can you be so cold
How can you be so distant
How can you say you love me
Then change your mind in an instant
How can you promise not to hurt me
Than hurt me more than anyone
How can you see me try so hard
And still everytime shut down

How can you look into my eyes
Then leave me out in the cold
On the streets
To get
L o s t.

Kind of funny it all ended where it began.
Once you smiled from across the road,
Now here I sit on my ass.

And here I lay in bed missing you
Staring at empty walls when I should be kissing
Y o u.
And here I am still sticking up for you,
Even after all you put me through.
Here you are denying me.
After all that I've done for you.

I guess its time to realize
Not everyone can be
S a v e d.

But I thought you could be the
E x c e p t i o n
The way you'd play in my mind for days
Guess I was wrong, but its so hard to walk
A w a y.

How do you leave when your hearts lingering
How do you move on when your mind finds reasoning
What made you suddenly change your mind
I'd do anything to hold you in my arms
A g a i n.
I miss the nights we used to have
I'd do anything to be yours
A g a i n.
Tell me where I was wrong
And I'll do my best to fix
I t.
If I've hurt you, I will do my best to
M e n d
It.

Scars

"Lets not rush" "How about, Lets not try?"
"I'm really busy. Maybe some other time"
"Why don't you be honest, for once in your life?"
"You play me for a fool and the worst part is I let you."
"Lets break up, its just too much"
"I'm not going anywhere." "Lies, lies, lies, words I despise."
"We're just not meant to be together."
"It's just a really bad time in our lives."
"Bullshit! Hogwash! Excuses....
E x c u s e s.
If I were stronger I'd refuse
T h i s
But my heart is battered, beaten, torn.
And like a knife you cut open these
S c a r s."

Four Walls

I'm mad and I'm sad and I'm sick of feeling bad
For you, for me, for us and what we could have had.
I'm fed up with putting up with your cryptic ways.
You build up your walls and stay behind them for days.
I try so hard to be calm
I'm so sick of being strong
And for once in my life
I was so close to where I belong.

(Chorus) And give me a way to deal with this pain
Give me a reason so I don't go insane
My minds stuck on repeat for days and days
If I could win you back
I'd try every way.

I'm afraid and I'm alone
Taking drastic leaps in my life
and you left me standing alone without even thinking
T w i c e.

Never again will I fall for your lies
Never again will I let you inside
And give me a way to deal with this pain
Give me a reason so I don't go insane.

(Chorus) And give me a way to deal with this pain
Give me a reason so I don't go insane
My minds stuck on repeat for days and days
If I could win you back
I'd try every way.

Here Goes Nothing


I've never been good at expressing myself
Whats on my mind, so here goes nothing.
This is me trying.

I wake from dreams missing you
Cause in them I'm still kissing you
A cold sweat, I awaken betrayed by you
Not that I'm gone Who's gonna save you?

Fall apart in your own self pity
I'm sick of trying
I'm sick of you winning
Fall apart, break your own fucking heart
I'm sick of caring
Was sick from the start.

I've never been good at saying goodbye.
But you don't even have the courtesy to explain why.
So watch me pick up my feet and walk away
Be careful what you wish for in the end.
Cause it just might come true.
Yeah, it just might come true.

Never live it down

Everythings falling down before me
It was you who chose to ignore me
Guess I was the fool, stupid me for falling,
Yeah I was your tool, stupid me for trying.

I may be hurt and the pain may still be fresh
But I'll never live down the way you tore the heart from my chest.
You were so sly, pretending to care.
Opening up than shutting down out of thin air.

You were so smart, what a con.
You were pulling one over on me, all along.
Not sure what to think, I'll tuck my tail back between my legs.
Fed up with retreating.
You'll get what you wished for in the end.