All The Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies!

I felt like tonight was a good night to vent. Its been a few weeks since I've blogged and I am bored as hell and kind of in an odd mood soooo what better way to sort out my feelings than to blog about it all? :P So here is where I am at in life right now... You ready? Its quite a lot! Well for starters I am freezing my ass off and already sick of snow even though we haven't really had any snow actually stick to the ground yet. But that is just me bitching. Other than that, I am sitting here with my cat who just got fixed and declawed on Monday. She is doing pretty good, acting like her normal self but will NOT stop jumping, climbing, running. Not that that is surprising. The paperwork says to discourage her from doing so but have they ever MET my cat? She has a mind of her own! lol.

The thing that has me most worried is the fact that she has been excessively licking her paws since returning home from surgery. I called the vet today to ask a few questions and see what I could do to prevent her from it all. They suggested taking litter out of her box so that her paws don't get infected and to try and contain her more so she isn't climbing as much. They also mentioned that they don't usually have too many problems with declawing procedures so I am really hoping that her paws heal properly. She hasn't really messed with the incision from being spayed much so that gives me SOME peace of mind.

Other than dealing with her crazy hyperactiveness and trying to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself and wind up back at the vets I have been in the middle of working 40 hours a week and being super busy at work from the holidays to moving into an apartment with two of my friends. It has all been a very stressful situation due to the fact that I am trying to juggle working and moving and still finding time to let myself relax a bit. It seems that anything that can go wrong at work or break down at work lately has and I have been trying my best to keep up with it all! I work my ass off but I seriously just break down and cry some days. Then moving is quite the hassel being that it is wintertime so its fucking freezing and a lot of my stuff is in storage. I have literally been driving to storage before or after work, getting stuff out, taking it to my new place, sorting through it, taking the junk to goodwill and repeating.

I am kind of mad at myself for paying $60 a month for a storage shed for almost a year now because it really was just a bunch of pointless junk I don't really need now that I start to look at it all. Last night we got my bed, dresser and couch moved in. So now I am just waiting on Ariel's incisions from surgery to heal up so that we can get her flea dipped and frontlined and then start moving all the rest of my stuff and then flea bomb the apartment. I am trying my best to not bring the fleas with us to the new place! It makes moving even more of a pain in the ass than it is normally.

On top of all of this I am feeling quite melancholy tonight. I am starting to get lonely. You would think that with everything I have on my plate right now that I wouldn't have the time to be lonely. But I am! Being busy all the time actually makes being single worse for me. Because its times like these when I am stressed that I really miss having someone around to bring a smile to my face on a shitty day or comfort me when I need a friend. I miss having someone around who really just understands and wants to help and talk to me and let me vent rather than complain about how I am so pessimistic and lecture me. I miss having someone around who cares! And I miss being able to come home to someone after a stressful shitty day and just have them go crazy on me and vice versa! A WOMAN'S GOT NEEDS! >.<

You know that you are lonely, single and desperate when you start to even miss the people you were in unhealthy relationships with. I miss having someone who really KNOWS me. I miss having someone to cuddle with and to laugh with. Where are all the single lesbians at in this damn town? It seems that they are non existant! And all the ones who ARE lesbians are either taken or just downright gross or have too many qualities that I will NOT go for like they are into drugs, cheating, etc. Fuck all that! And the other big pet peeve I have right now is that it seems EVERY frickin girl I find that says they "like girls" or are a "lesbian" has a kid or a FEW kids! What the fuck is THAT? GRR! I learned my lesson this year with the baby mamas! I am NOT about to re enter that world! Baby mama's = A whole lotta drama and bullshit that I don't need in my life! Thanks!

I think that I need to get back on my meds! Well actually I kinda KNOW I need to! I had a mental breakdown type thing yesterday that nobody but me really knows about! I was driving and literally just screaming at the top of my lungs because the stress of moving and dealing with my dad's poor attitude and dealing with Ariel was just all too much to handle. I feel like a lot of things are almost too much to handle lately. Sometimes I just wish more than anything that I could just lay in bed all day and forget the world for awhile. I really need to start putting my own needs first! I feel like I put everyone and everything before myself! Thats why I always get burned in love, life, etc. I worry about everyone and everything else until there is literally no time, energy or emotions left for when it comes to dealing with myself.

So besides working a ton, tending to my crazy cat, being lonely and single and slightly depressed, moving, treating fleas and dealing with the winter weather, there is ONE good thing that I can shed a little light on tonight.... and that is I just heard back from the college FINALLY! I am getting a LOT of loans and grants for school so I will be able to hopefully afford it! :D This makes me so happy! I am getting a lot more than I expected to and am hoping to enroll as soon as I get everything together! The only thing I'm stressing out about now is getting everything in and paid in time! It will be so good to go back to school and to FINALLY get my degree! :D I have been out of school for too long now! Its time to get back to something educational and with purpose!

On a side note, just something else that I have been thinking about a lot lately and talking quite a bit about as well.... THE 90'S! I miss them! Things were so much happier, simpler and better back then! Tv, movies and music were so much better! Seriously! Take a few movies, shows or songs from today's time and compare it to all of the amazing stuff back in the 90's! The 90's will win, NO CONTEST! They trump 2010! There were so many better television shows back then! So many more family oriented and educational things back then. So many happy times! Now everything is about power, sex and money. Not saying there wasn't ANY of that back in the 90's because there WAS, but over the years it has only gotten worse. I talked with a few of my friends and even they agree that things were so much better, simpler and happier back then.

So perhaps I just need to learn how to build a time machine! haha. Visit the good ol' 90's when I am feeling down in the dumps. For now I guess watching 90's videos on youtube and reminiscing about everything will have to do. It is 2:24 AM and I work tomorrow at 11 so I supposse I should be getting to bed. But I doubt that will happen anytime soon since all I seem to think about anymore is being depressed or being in desperate need of companionship. Sleep is on the bottom of my list of priorities these days. That should probably change sometime soon. Maybe I would feel better if I slept better. Until then, theres always the internet.